i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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