Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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