I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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