I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
