you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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