She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
