i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
