Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
