so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
