I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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