4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
