Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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