I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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