It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
