The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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