I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
