Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
