My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
