More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
