I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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