I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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