Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
