i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
