The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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