I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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