tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
