i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
