you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
