Dual....:-)
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
