I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
