The maid of honor just puked.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
