You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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