I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
