How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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