Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
