Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
