I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They have beer where we have blood.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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