Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
