Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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