I wanna bring you to show and tell
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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