How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
