I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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