Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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