im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
