AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
