I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
