bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had sex on a roof
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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