now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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