He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i will never coherently bang her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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