I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
