But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
