you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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