remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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