I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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