it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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