My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
3 2 1 whiskey
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
