Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
