I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
