I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
