I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
